Conflict of Interest: When Doctor Becomes Patient
by betabrain
Summary: An ongoing feud between Maura and Jane has the two at complete odds with one another. Jane struggles when Maura takes a turn for the worse. Maura harbors the biggest secret of her life when she finds herself caught between an ongoing investigation and keeping Jane safe.
1. The Calm Before the Storm

"Maura, when have I ever been wrong about a reddish-brown stain? Honestly even PeeWee Herman can state the obvious."

Jane was desperately impatient as she shifted her weight from one foot to the other, being careful not to alter her sarcastic expression. She had been standing for the entire day, and Maura's fixation with certainty never expedited the burning desire to find answers. The case put her on the edge of her feet, but this one in particular was damping everyone's morale.

-"Detective, you know particularly well that I do not guess. It's a reckless means of inquiry throughout the investigations, not to mention it has an overbearing toll on my consistency - I'll let you know after I run the samples by the crime lab." Maura's breathing quickened as she spoke. Her words were competing with her lung function in an odd sort of way. Her heart ran sprints every time she took a single step forward, and a discomforting vibration tickled her chest upon exertion. Everything was pounding - the whole world as she knew it seemed to revolve around the demanding _thumpety thump_ of her seemingly faltering biological engine. Her serious gaze fell from the detective back to the victim on the autopsy table. Jane shrugged. She was accustomed to the usual logical retort. Maura continued to stare at the victim with a fixed, lifeless expression. She raised her right hand gently and placed it right on her chest, breathing deeply but quietly in the process.

"Really, Yoga at work Doctor Isles?" Jane rolled her eyes. They had been especially cold with one another following Dean's surprise entrance into Maura's undercover scheme, but today was unimaginably slow, not to mention the heated emotions brewing inside and out.

The moment of silence was interrupted by the rough strides of Korsak and Frost, both anxious for any clue pertaining to the victim's cause of death, the announcer of which would have to be Maura at some point. "Anything?" Frost asked with a hint of discomfort, as he strode around the autopsy table, careful not to fall in the hands of any sort of reverse peristalsis. This part of homicide wasn't his strong suit.

-"Not yet," Maura answered rapidly.

-"Well what about the bullet Doc? Were you able to remove it?" Korsak was standing next to Jane with his head tilted.

-"Would you excuse me." Maura's gaze relaxed in a mask of determination, and she left the crime lab with a hint of repugnance.

-"Okay then," remarked Frost. "We'll wait for her to finish up. It's not like we have anything else to do, right?" Sarcasm was filling the air.

Jane chased after Maura to find her behind her desk in her office, typing casually."What is up with you, Maura? Letting your person life get a hold of your professional one, are you really going to let a matter between you and me affect the entire workplace? The investigations!?"

- "I'm afraid I'm not sure what you're referring to, Jane," the doctor answered with a strained attempt to remain calm.

-"Okay. Okay fine. I just didn't think you would stoop so low as to let these victims suffer from your sudden inability to separate between your heart and your brain. That's really an all-time low for you Maura. Not only is Paddy a serial killer, the thought of the man in a hospital is acting on you at the expense of -"

-"Please stop, I will not discuss this here," Maura said quietly. She seemed strained. Her expression was in a subtle frown.

-"You want to be mad at me for protecting you, that's fine, but do your job like the rest of u-"

The sound of Maura's chair screeched against the wooden floor of the office as she stood up, rigid with anger."PROTECTING ME? Protecting me by telling Agent Dean everything I told you to keep to yourself? Between us? I suppose getting in bed with someone would have that effect on you wouldn't it?" It wasn't like Maura to speak from such a dark place - it came out raw and bare. Ferociously cold.

-"Oh OKAY, so now we have to sympathize with a murderer all of the sudden!? Maybe we forgot to formally introduce ourselves - Hello, I'm Jane Rizzoli and I'm a homicide detective, Maura. Do you know what I do for a living or have you forgotten what we both do every single day? We're supposed to catch the bad guys in case you've forgotten."

Maura's glare became icy. "I will have you know that any insinuation that I am not doing my job correctly must otherwise be directed towards a higher authority. My intention to be cautions throughout investigation has absolutely nothing to do with you and your need for instant gratification in figuring out quick and easy answers to these cases. Maybe you're losing your touch detective, or should I guess on all the evidence that we obtain?" Maura stopped short of another furious piece of dialogue and frowned. Her hand rose again to her chest and hovered. She swallowed and held a look of uncertainty. Underneath her eyes were dark circles of concern, which contrasted heavily with her bright outfit.

Jane was on the rebound when she realized that the doctor seemed unnaturally still. "What Maura. What is it?"

Maura slumped back into her chair with a look of severe discomfort. She opened the drawer slowly. Exhaustion hit her like a smack in the face. Pulling out a small plastic device she breathed in deeply.

"Maur-" Jane hesitated.

-"Just go, Jane This is childish enough as it is. Take up an analysis of my so-called 'deteriorating' work ethic with someone else who has the position to relieve you of my less suitable skill set. In the meantime, I will continue to do my job as it should be done."

"God, Maura - what the hell! You're not acting like yourself!" Jane's rough stance seemed to dwindle with every word. She was never any good at holding grudges at people she truly cared for.

-"Well perhaps I've changed," Maura retorted angrily.

-Perhaps? Perhaps? Meaning that you're unsure. Meaning that you're just guessing? Suppose that makes a hypocrite out of two of us then, Doctor Isles," Jane replied, drowning out her words with the slamming of the office door on her way out.

Maura sat still for the next ten or fifteen minutes with the base of her finger on a heart rate monitor she had obtained just two weeks prior. Funny she would have one in the lab, seeing as she would never be able to use it on anybody who ever came in. The monitor read 147...149...145. Why so high? For the past months she had been having these recurring episodes. Her resting heart rate would rise even at the smallest of exertions, sometimes so high she felt she lacked sufficient oxygen. Her chest would send out a warning. Her breathing would deepen and increase in rate. She exercised on a regular schedule - there was nothing abnormal about her health. So why this? An EKG and echocardiogram had revealed normal outcomes. Stress, she thought quickly. With her ongoing feud with Jane - which by itself was taking a heavy toll on her well-being - and the piling workload, there wasn't much time to recuperate. The daily hassles were accumulating and she felt increasingly fatigued with each passing day. 120...119...110. She put her hands in her arms and waited patiently, focusing on her breathing in the process. 103...100. How long had she been waiting like this? Half an hour? An hour? It certainly felt that long. 98...92. A bit high, but low enough to function at the very least. She relaxed slightly, got up slowly, and resumed her day.

Jane was abruptly called from her afternoon workout to an associated crime scene. This wretched criminal was targeting middle-aged women, and ones whose absence would make an impact. They were mothers, sisters, aunts, nieces. They were involved in the community. They were someone's family, meaning they would be missed. Her throat ached. She rushed to the change and hurried to the scene, as soon as she had called Tommy to take Jo Friday out for a walk. "Please, just tonight," she had begged. "Tell Ma that dinner can't wait on me." Her voice was getting weaker - everybody was tired.

Maura was just heading out of the station when she received the same call. So desperately did she want to ignore it, pretend it was frivolous and reject the call. So desperately did she want to return home and just recollect herself. Yoga perhaps. Multiple studies have identified yoga as an excellent means of controlling heart rate, one of the few autonomous functions in that somewhat-controllable category. But work never called too soon or too late - work was an all-encompassing entity for her. Sometimes it acted as the only form of stability in her life. The crime scenes never went away - they were consistent, and only variable in the degree of severity with which the crime was performed. It was odd to find a pleasantry in such a morbid thing as crime. She felt uncomfortable. She would often talk with Jane about her feelings. Perhaps that's why she never ended up in a psychiatrist's office, she mused. But now, with the distance growing between them, it's not a surprise she had been feeling so confined to her own thoughts. She breathed deeply, acknowledged the necessity of maintaining her stance as the chief medical examiner, and head out. We as humans tend to measure control in our ability to diffuse variability to an ultimate minimum. To a large degree we are creatures of habit, more so than we may like to believe.

Jane arrived at the crime scene to find Frost and Korsak huddled around Maura, who was stooped over examining the latest victim. She was dictating softly, appearing lethargic. Not even a matter of dress could cover that up today. Jane approached cautiously, wondering about their earlier encounter. Was she alright? What was she hiding?

-"Victim was female, mid-thirties, no evidence of a struggle - some lacerations present on the arms and neck...hepatic temperature indicates the victim died about 12-13 hours ago." Maura looked up, noticed Jane, and looked back down quickly. There was no expression - no sadness, no anger - she simply looked fatigued. "There is a blunt force trauma on the chest, appearing to have been caused by a heavy, rounded-like object."

-"Any sign of the immediate cause of death?" Jane asked, trying so very hard to feign a superior stance.

-"I don't know Detective, would you like me to guess or provide a professional statement? I'm not sure what we're doing nowadays," Maura asked, with her hand on its subtle journey up to her chest, as if to control her breathing. She appeared strained and weaker than before.

Jane scowled. "We could hear both, and then maybe call in Dr. Pike for a second opinion..." she muttered. Korsak and Frost stood frozen in their place - the two had never seen the women quarrel out in the open, on the job. It was bound to happen - but this was not the typical reserved quality the two women typically had in the workplace or in a crime scene.

-"Well, by all means Detective, go right ahead. From what I know, you're rather used to the process of obtaining second opinions with your male colleagues, aren't y-" Maura was weak on her feet. She gasped slightly. Her world was swirling in place as she reached out desperately for something to lean on. Her eyes closed slightly as she collapsed in the arms of Jane and Frost, who were quick to the catch. Maura looked as pale as a sheet - beads of sweat were beginning to run down her forehead. Her chest heaved. She groaned and winced as she brought her hands up to her chest. "I can't..." Maura rasped. She was running on the line of consciousness, vacillating between darkness and the light.

-"Doctor Isles, Doctor Isles...Doctor Isles! Stay with us, we're getting you help." Frost was trying to balance Maura's head on his lap. Everything in her body had gone limp.

-"Maura! Maura, can you hear me, stay with me, wake up Maura! Oh God, what's happening?" She pulled out her phone. "This is Detective Rizzoli - we have a medical examiner who has collapsed on site, send an ambulance now." She shoved her phone in her pocket and reached out to Maura, whose breathing had become shallow and strained. Jane had ignored all the signs. They had been so evident - Maura had been acting strangely for the past few days, and not only out of anger about the Dean incident. Not meeting with her throughout the workday had played its part in Jane being so oblivious to Maura's change in character over the past few weeks. Shoving away all the calling signs that something may have been wrong was only inevitable because of the ongoing quarrel between them. "Maura...stay with us okay?" Fear. Fear from losing someone dear. Fear was casting a dark shadow.

The ambulance arrived within five minutes, with the EMTs hurrying out with a gurney. Maura was in shock, shaking in the daze, breathing with a force incompatible with her vital capacity. "Over here, she's still in and out of consciousness," Jane gestured over to them, her voice cracking every time she spoke. What if something happened to her? The last thing the two best friends did was argue. She had been cruel. Guilt swarmed her - she needed to apologize for everything. The worst brings it self out with catastrophe, it seemed. The emergency team quickly hoisted Maura up and into the truck. The deafening sirens blared. The police squad had sheltered the area from the street. Aside from the crime, news of a medical examiner's collapse would only cause more problems.

"Only one individual may ride with her..." the driver said, with an air of precaution.

-Jane will go," Frost stated rapidly, "they're best friends." He glared at Jane, "Supposed to be," he muttered to her softly so that only she could hear.

-"Yes, I'll go. Frost, tell Frankie to let Ma know where I am okay?" Jane hauled herself into the ambulance. They closed the doors. She looked at Maura as they began to adjust all the medical equipment. The ambulance moved quickly - they had gone to a crime in the more distant areas of the city, the hospital was well over 15 minutes away."

"Pulse is 170. Blood pressure is 80/60. She's not breathing well, get an oxygen mask going." The oxygen monitor read 89.

The oxygen mask was on in an instant. Her breathing became less labored. Within five minutes, her breathing had become less labored. Her eyes were halfway open. She fidgeted with discomfort, attempting to pull the mask off her face, gasping loudly in the process. "No! Jane..." She breathed. The monitors were beeping. Jane's words were lost in the cacophony, and Maura was clearly distressed. Jane reached out to hold Maura's hand.

-"Shhhh. Maura, you need to relax and breathe with me, okay? You're not breathing. I need you to focus with me okay? Forget work. Just relax."

-"What happen -" Maura inhaled quickly through the mask. She was working against any supplemental oxygen, trying to act alone to improve. She stared at Jane with a look of agony as she squeezed her hand, arching forward in the process. The EMTs restrained her movements. Jane understood. This was a woman who was always in control, now under the commanding step of her body. This was a woman who planned everything, a woman who was independent and healthy, who now could not speak without gasping for air.

-"Maura, look at me. Maura. Just look at me. You're okay. You collapsed at the crime scene. You're going to be fine okay? I'm not leaving you. I'll be with you the entire time. You're going to be...Maura! Look at me, would you just.." Maura's gaze was drifting. She wasn't listening. She was panicking.

-"Am I.." Maura gasped.

The EMT was quick to reassure her of her surroundings. "Doctor Isles, you're in an ambulance on your way to the hospital. You are going to be just fine." On that account, he stated, "possible dehydration, let's get an temporary IV up now." He looked at Jane with calm eyes. "Her BP is low and her heart rate is very high. It's not a surprise that she collapsed. We're getting her stabilized."

Jane looked at Maura, who was crying silently and squeezing Jane's hand.

-"Maura, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry Maura. This is all my fault -I need you to just get better, okay? I'm right here with you. God, I'm so sorry." Jane was almost talking to herself.

Maura's grasp tightened in Jane's hand once more. She breathed a forced "Jane" as she was hoisted out of the ambulance and into the sterile, working world of Massachusetts General Hospital. Maura's world went black.


	2. Crying Skies

The sound of steady, static beeps gave the hospital room a calm and controlled feeling. It was pouring outside - the thunder was roaring intermittently every few minutes. It reverberated through the floors like some sort of powerful seismic activity. Besides the mechanical drone of beeps and buzzes, the hospital room was quiet - a stark contrast with the raging storm just outside. Jane had dragged a wooden chair close to Maura's side. Maura was sleeping - breathing steadily with the help of a nasal cannula and the occasional use of an oxygen mask, although they hadn't needed it for a couple hours now. The assigned nurse popped in and out on occasion, adjusting the medications. They had given Maura a sedative to help her relax - even under the circumstances of her weaker condition, she grew increasingly aggressive each time she regained consciousness. The nurse had described Maura as being "resistive, distressed, and forceful." This surprised Jane, who knew Maura to be a tranquil character, with logical steps preceding every action. _But what else would you do if you were suffocating?_ Jane mused with an irritated glance at the nurse outside the glass window. _You couldn't expect her to be cool, calm, and collected when she could barely breathe_? Jane adjusted her sitting position - she had grown numb to the wooden chair. It was almost like a single entity, a part of her own body. She had been there for hours - it didn't bother her. Jane had relaxed once she was able to see Maura, but a lump rose in her throat as she had walked in to see her best friend laying so still in the hospital bed, wearing a blue and white hospital gown and looking so very fragile.

Maura looked peaceful as she slept. She had been stable thus far. A doctor and two nurses had been waiting for the ambulance as the vehicle arrived outside the ER entrance.

Jane sat, head in her hands, which were propped carefully next to Maura's upper arm. She closed her eyes and recollected what had happened when the ambulance arrived. She had gone through it in her head for hours. It was a torturous cycle of rumination.

-"Jane..." Maura had gasped. Her body was rigid and fixed with fear. Her body arched forward abruptly once again. That line between consciousness and unconsciousness was a divisive, binding contract of character. The EMTs steadied her and wheeled her out, explaining Maura's condition to the awaiting medical personnel in the process. At that moment, Maura struggled slightly to regain her senses, but appeared to have lost consciousness shortly thereafter.

The EMT spoke to the doctor quickly and effectively, multitasking as he explained Maura's stats.

-"She presented with a BP of 80/60 and her heart rate reached a high of 189. Patient has severe discomfort in the upper quadrant region and is in severe respiratory distress. Chest pain was noted, and the patient was started on supplemental oxygen and IV fluid to account for signs of possible dehydration."

Jane had been instructed to wait. She was fighting every fiber of her being to do so, as she had watched Maura being wheeled into the emergency room. Voices were geared in her direction, but she could never remember who spoke to her. Everything was a blur.

-"Ms. Rizzoli, we are doing our best to assess your friend's condition. As soon as she has been stabilized, we will allow you to see her. We've been swamped with all these security problems lately - we are simply carrying out back-up protocol. The waiting room is through the double doors and you'll take the first right you see. You may wait there if you like - I will get you as soon as her condition permits."

"Thank you," Jane had said quietly. The ambulance ride had been enough to shake her up, and not just for the remainder of the evening.

She couldn't remember much from the waiting room. She couldn't count how many times she had paced from the table with the magazines to her double doors, and back again, just to pass the time. Why did they put magazines in the emergency waiting area? She had always wondered. As if that would be any help. _Yeah, my best friend just collapsed at a crime scene, I think I'll just skim through sordid celebrity details while I wait to find out if she's going to be alright. Oh good, here's a People's magazine! Just what I needed!_ she had remembered thinking. All she knew was she had been bogged down by phone calls within that time. She had spoken to Frankie, Frost, Korsak, and her mother, who all had been heavily concerned. "We'll come over soon, Janie," she heard one of them soon.

The truth was that she didn't want any of them to come. She didn't want to be with anybody. All she wanted was a moment of silence. All she wanted was to make sure Maura was alright. But above all she wanted Maura to forgive her - it was a necessity so much more than it was a desire. Perhaps the serenity of Maura's hospital setting had allowed her to recollect herself. Jane leaned back and stared at the IV, the ongoing drop by drop percolation - she thought to herself silently. How quickly had everything gone by in those few minutes. From the crime scene to the hospital? How incredibly heartless she had felt with the passing of every minute. Her phone vibrated roughly on the wooden chair. She leaped swiftly to stifle its noise.

-"Rizzoli," she answered. "Yeah Ma, in the hospital. Yeah, she's stable - I'm with her now. No, I haven't spoken to the doctor yet...Yeah I'll call you as soon as I do. Love you too." So apparently Ma was caught in the rain, and the station was bogged down on another case. _Dr. Pike came after all_, Jane thought miserably. A wave of guilt surfaced once more. She stared at her watch - 8:37 PM. Four hours since she had been called to the crime scene.

A nurse came in about fifteen minutes later to tell Jane that the ICU would cease to accept visitors at 9:00 PM. The doctor who had been responsible for Maura's care upon entrance into the ER came in shortly thereafter. He addressed Jane without introduction - she was grateful to obtain some reassurance.

-"Her condition is stable, but we'll keep her here tonight to monitor her vitals. She's gone through quite the ordeal - I expect she'll need all the rest she can get. Dr. Miller, our cardiac specialist will be by tomorrow to discuss her current condition - I am afraid he's on-call tonight and will not be able to come by before visiting hours end, but if you come by early tomorrow morning, we'll transfer her upstairs so long as her vitals remain consistent." The doctor was kind and soft-spoken. He paused slightly. "She appears to have suffered a serious cardiac episode, has she been complaining of any discomfort lately?"

Jane hesitated. Careful not to unload an emotional drama to a complete stranger, she answered carefully. "She was showing signs, but never confronted it with us at the workplace." She was telling the truth...but it felt like a lie - only because Jane knew she could have done so much more. "She was exhausted earlier this morning. It was like she couldn't catch her breath - she seemed different. It's just...with what we do, you can never really tell when we're on the brink of a health crisis...or just - "

-"Has there been any extreme stressors that you know of?" He asked quietly.

Jane paused. "Yeah, I guess...yeah."

-"Sometimes these conditions can be exacerbated by stress, but we'll see how her condition is to be assessed by the specialist. Dr. Miller will be in to provide his consult once she's been transferred. It will be easier once she's awake. Drive safely, Detective."

"I will, thank you," Jane had replied, as he strode out carefully.

Her clock read 8:58 PM. She walked to Maura's side quietly.

-"I'll be back as fast as I can, Maura," she said softly, as she gave Maura a kiss on the forehead.

_The hospital never sleeps_, she thought to herself quietly as she stepped out the hospital doors. The sidewalk was wet from the rain. _And neither do I_. _Not tonight_.


	3. Swimming Against the Tide: The AMA Form

Jane woke up earlier the next morning as though she had never slept. Her eyes were dark with fatigue - concern had been the first emotion to appear on her face. She immediately peered at her alarm clock. 7:19 AM it read. It was a Saturday - no work unless crime called, but at the rate at which these murders were occurring it would feel like a miracle to get a day away from the frenzy of the workplace.

_Maura_, she thought quickly. _She should have been transferred upstairs by now._ She fidgeted nervously. How would Maura react to Jane after yesterday's appalling set of events?

She rushed to get dressed. Grabbing her keys from the uppermost shelf, she hurried to the hospital, where she asked about four members of staff, one of whom had remembered her from the previous night.

-"Ah yes, Detective Rizzoli. Dr. Isles has been transferred to room M348. You may stay as long as you like, but two visitors at a time please." The transport officer was a healthy, middle aged man - his thick brows gave him a sagacious appearance - it was like he could see right through any individual upon initial encounter.

-"It's just me, and thank you - I appreciate it," Jane had answered, turning her head away prematurely to redirect herself to the patient rooms. M wing was on the east side. The hospital was like a vast sea - always swarming with medical personnel, concerned family members, worried patients. She stopped and read the directional sign with precaution - it was covered with arrows. Straight for waiting area and lobby, right for restrooms, left for PACU. She continued straight and took the first elevator up to the third floor.

She stepped out feeling increasingly nervous with every stride. Maura was somewhere on this floor. Rooms M300-324 to the right. Rooms 326-354 to the left. Employee Services straight ahead. It felt like a labyrinth of rooms, each one with their own temporary story. She wondered how many stories a hospital room could tell of the incoming and outgoing individuals who had been admitted in its history. She took the first left and continued onward, her heart pounding in an anxious flare as she passed each room by an even count...334...336...338. She felt embarrassed. Should she send notice before going in? _No_, Jane thought rapidly. _God, you're best friends. Suck it up, Jane_.

348. How quickly had she walked? She took a deep breath and went in.

-"Maura?" Jane asked quietly as she walked in. Maura's eyes opened tiredly - she had woken up at 4:00 AM feeling slightly nauseous, and hadn't been able to rest since. Her bed was reclined enough to see the television without having to adjust her position. Somebody had turned on the news. The sound of the morning report gave a slight twist to the monotone beeps from the monitors above her head.

Maura's head shifted to the left slightly. Her hair was tied up casually. A copy of JAMA was sprawled out on her lap. It had been motionless for about an hour, only stopping to spring back to life with her light movements.

-"You gave us quite a fright there over at the scene. How are you...feeling?" Jane asked nervously, placing her hand on Maura's.

-"I'm feeling much better now, thank you" she replied with a tinge of restraint. Her hands clenched down on the bed sheets.

-"...the hospital should consider changing that visitor policy if they think 'only two visitors a time' is gonna work with the Rizzolis," Jane laughed stiffly. Maura breathed in deeply, hands burrowed slightly into the linen.

She needed so very much to tell Jane. She had to tell Jane about _the murderer_. But even an utterance would put Jane in danger.. Maura had been using Dean's intrusion on her undercover scheme as an effective facade for the threat that currently placed Jane's life in the heart of danger. As long as Maura could distance herself from Jane, she could keep her safe.

-"You know, according to several studies, displacement is one of the best-implemented defensive strategies in psychological analyses." Maura stated. Any clue. If she could get any clue across that she wasn't angry with Jane about Dean. She was protecting her. She was protecting her by keeping her in the innocence and bliss of oblivion.

Jane stared at Maura. "Look, I know you don't want to talk to me, and I know you probably didn't want to see me. But I'm staying with you, so unless you're going to get a restraining order or call the nurses to kick me out, I'm staying. Just let me just explain. Please, Maura..." Jane continued to speak. Maura was looking at Jane without listening. Her emotions flew wildly as her best friend, tough Jane Rizzoli, begged for her forgiveness.

She longed desperately to tell her the truth. She needed to tell her to find a safe place...to have nothing to do with this investigation. Her life was in danger.

-"Jane..." she interjected quickly. Her mouth opened to tell her the truth. _No! Don't do this Maura. Don't you tell her. _She was caught in a riptide of adversity. She was swimming against the current. She couldn't tell her.

But Jane ignored her and continued on.

-"No Maura, just...God, you can hide behind your facts and figures all you want. Look...I don't...I don't get scared easily. I was pinned to the ground for hours with Hoyt in that basement, and when I remember him, I'm afraid only of what he was capable of, but I wasn't afraid of _him_."

Jane never brought Hoyt up without due reason. It was like a nightmare brought to life for her.

-"Fear for me is losing what is dearest to me. I know you don't think so, but I _was_ trying to protect you by telling Dean. Would I ever have let you in such a messy undercover operation if I knew what was going to happen? Hindsight is 20/20, and I can apologize for putting you in that situation. But do I feel sorry that you got away without getting hurt? No. Am I sorry that it was Dean who took the bullet at the end of the day? My trust in him was lost at the same time you told me that I had lost yours..." For the amount Jane was putting in, she was speaking calmly and quietly. Her gentle tone had not wavered since she started speaking. She had taken a seat next to Maura. She looked weary from concern. Maura wondered about the fright she must have caused her with yesterday's collapse.

"Jane, you don't have to do this -" Maura breathed. Her brows furrowed. She was screaming on the inside. She couldn't keep secrets in general, let alone keep anything hidden from Jane.

Maura was interrupted by a soft knock on the door. A tall man with rectangular eyeglasses and a well-groomed beard stood smiling at the room's dainty entrance.

-"Hello, I'm Dr. Miller - I'm the cardio specialist you've probably been waiting for...Ms. Isles?" He said brightly as he walked in to shake Maura's hand in three elegant strides. He had eyes that sparkled. He turned to Jane with an inquisitive look and an outstretched hand.

-"Hi. Jane Rizzoli," she stated surely as she exchanged the greeting.

-"Pleasure to meet you." He smiled as he shifted his gaze to Maura. "So, Dr. LeRoy took care of you when you were admitted into emergency yesterday..."

Maura listened intently as she fiddled with a loose piece of cloth on her blanket, which Jane had readjusted thoughtfully a couple minutes prior. Jane stared at her closely. Maura had an expression of certainty on her face, as though she already knew what the doctor was going to say.

-"The cardiac episode you suffered yesterday was quite serious," he began. "Your heart rate was an average of about 175 when you finally reached the ER. That's quite high considering the normal range is about -"

-"60 to 100, 100 being borderline high for someone at rest..." Maura interjected carefully.

-"She's a doctor. You won't have any trouble explaining to this one," Jane said with a weak smile, keeping an eye on Maura's every reaction.

-"Oh okay. Well great! - we'll cut some corners here then. When you presented, your blood pressure was about 80/60. Combined with your sudden onset of tachycardia and syncope, you experienced severe respiratory distress."

Maura stared at Dr. Miller with intent eyes. She couldn't remember the exact details of yesterday's events - at least not after the unfortunate verbal duel with Jane, although that had probably only lasted about 20 seconds. "I see..." She intertwined her fingers slowly. Jane stared at the doctor as he spoke, massaging the palms of her hands as she listened closely.

-"Luckily, your episode lasted long enough to do an EKG. Your rhythms appear normal. Your medical history also shows an EKG and ultrasound from two months ago. Were you experiencing anything like this at the time? Is that the reason you had these tests performed? He asked, as he pushed his eyeglasses up with his free hand. He gripped Maura's patient forms and two black ink pens in the other. His white coat swung loosely around his body.

-"Yes, I started having these symptoms around that time. I assumed it was related to work..." Maura said quietly as she met Jane's worried eyes. Jane looked at her with the most profound sympathy. A part of it seemed to penetrate Maura. She knew Jane would be upset for keeping something like that hidden.

-"She doesn't complain ...about anything..." Jane remarked absent-mindedly. She stared at her hands for a minute.

-"I began to experience shortness of breath. The episodes began to recur more frequently - they became uncontrolled. I had seven judicial trials to prepare for in a period of five weeks. I lost track of time..." Maura continued. Why had logic failed her? She felt embarrassed. She shouldn't have ever let something like this go so far.

Dr. Miller's eyes narrowed slightly. He clicked his pen twice as he gesticulated. "Doctor Isles, the symptoms you describe and those you presented with yesterday all point to a case of supraventricular tachycardia. Your symptoms quickly evolved into chest pain and shortness of breath after your collapse...When you arrived you were immediately administered effective beta blockers, to which you responded well. Your vitals regressed back to normal fast enough to get you breathing steadily. Your heart is in great shape - your rhythms are completely normal. I will mention though that the onset of these episodes may or may not have a corresponding trigger. For some it may be extreme exercise or physical exertion. From what I can observe, it may very well be stress that exacerbates your condition. For someone who has the episodes on and off, which seems to apply in your case, you are not in harm's way. The episodes may be unpleasant, but they must be controlled and evaluated immediately."

Jane stared at Maura guiltily. All this talk of stressors, when it seemed that Jane had been Maura's trigger all along. Maura ran her hand over her hair for a moment. She had a headache. Jane reached out, grabbed her hand, and gave it a tender squeeze.

-"What about catheter ablation for SVT?" Maura asked tiredly.

-"That is a possible treatment option, but I would strongly advise you to wait on it. With the use of new medications, it may be likely for you to keep your condition controlled if by chance you do experience an episode, rather than having to be on an 'every day, twice-a-day' prescription or undergoing any procedure that may pose a risk, even an infinitesimal one at that," he added convincingly. "If by keeping your treatment episode-dependent, we would save you the hassle of throwing more arrows then there are targets, then by all means, let's wait on it. You may want to alter your life style for stress management. That is easier said than done, but I advocate for preventative care through healthy living and consistency of care."

-"I'm impressed. You carry a quite conservative practice of medicine, Dr. Miller," Maura said with a feeble grin.

-"I do my best to take care of my patients, even the ones who can probably treat themselves," his eyes gave a happy sparkle.

- "Now, we would like to keep you here overnight to monitor your progress, but Susan, your assigned nurse, will be here soon to discuss your medication plan," he added, as he looked at his beeper, which had begun to vibrate loudly. "Let's get you back up and running - well, actually no actual running, but do take it easy for the next couple weeks - so we can follow up on your progress. I'll schedule a follow-up in a week, and we'll see how things are coming along."

-"Thank you Dr. Miller." Maura spoke with a delicate tone.

-"Yes, thank you very much," Jane added quickly, shaking his hand once more.

"My pleasure," he replied, as he walked elegantly out to the nurse's desk.

Maura's heart sank. She knew what she had to do. She had to get out of the hospital. Her symptoms were controlled. As long as she was in there with Jane by her side, she wasn't protecting her from _him_. He knew her every move. As long as she kept Jane in a close vicinity, Jane's life was in danger.

-"Jane, I would have to be hard of hearing not to realize how many phone calls you just ignored," Maura stated matter-of-factly. "It's best if you don't ignore work - I'll need somebody to update me once I get back..."

-"Okay, okay. But I'll be back in a bit, alright? I'll call into the station now, and see if there are any new leads. Try to get some rest Maur," Jane said, giving Maura's hand one final squeeze.

Jane walked to the waiting area on the same floor. She spoke to her mother, Frankie, Korsak, and Frost. Two more victims, both middle-aged women, had shown up - this time nearer to the station. _He's targeting closer to home_, Jane thought tensely. Four individuals had been brought in as witnesses at the crime scene. She had promised Korsak and Frost to be in the office within two hours for interviews - _Weekend work...how unexpected_, she added grimly. Her mother would be in to see Maura in the afternoon. After about three-fourths of an hour of back-and-forth follow-up calls, Jane walked quickly back to Maura's room to give her the filtered update.

Jane walked in, eyes still fixed on her phone's screen.

-"Hey Maur - Ma's coming with Frankie later to-"

She walked in to see Maura fully changed into her clothes, grabbing the last of her things, and packing them swiftly in a plastic bag.

-"Oh my God, Maura what the hell! Are you supposed to be up yet?" Jane was caught by surprise. Maura was lethargic. She needed rest.

-"I'm leaving Jane. I talked to Susan about the medication plan, and I already signed the form. I'm leaving." Maura said in a strained voice. It pained her to do this...physical and emotional pain.

-"What form!? Leaving where? Leaving here?" Jane was caught off-guard. She held the corner of the bed. The plastic was cold - it had a rough feeling on her hand.

-"I can't stay here any longer -" Maura's voice was breaking.

-"He said he wanted to keep you overnight! You're not ready to go anywhere. Honestly Maura?...are you asking for a repeat of yesterday's events? because I know I couldn't be able to process that aga-" Jane was begging.

-"I signed an AMA form. I'll be able to take care of myself, Jane." Maura's eyes were turning red, but she refused to get emotional. Not here. Not now.

-"If you think I'm driving you home after you leave the hospital after pulling a stunt like that, you've got it all wrong Maura. I can't believe - Why are you doing this!? Just stay one day - I'll be with you the entire time, I promise. They have to monitor you. You haven't been taking care of yourself, and I'm not convinced that you will now - especially not now with you pulling something like this on us, C'mon Maura, just -" Jane's eyes were tearing up.

-"I can take care of myself Jane. And I've already called a cab to take me, so don't bother. And that's just the thing Jane..." Maura paused. Her blood rushed to her head. She had calculated what it would take to push Jane away. She swallowed tenderly. Her throat hurt.

"I don't want to stay here, and I don't want to stay here with you. I'll be fine by myself." Maura's last words shattered two hearts at once. They were complete and utter lies. Maura kept a cold demeanor as she swept past her best friend. She released a hoarse cry as she reached the street. She could hardly breathe from the agony. She entered the cab with an emotional terror disproportional to anything she had experienced in the past. A bitter feeling crept underneath her skin.

_Remember that this is what's best for Jane. Remember that this is to keep Jane safe. _

Jane had frozen in place in the hospital room, incapable of processing what had just occurred. She trembled slightly as she stared down at the form Maura had signed. She read it as the emotions tore through her.

**_Against Medical Advice (AMA Form)_**

_This is to verify that I, __Maura Isles__, am refusing at my own insistence and without the authority of and against the advice of my attending physician(s), __James Miller, M.D.__, request to leave against medical advice..._


	4. An Eye for an Eye

Maura rushed home in a daze. She hadn't the closest idea how she had arrived home - the truth was that she had no recollection of the last couple hours in any shape or form. Her memory was fleeting. She was shivering wildly. Her skin felt bare, cold, and clammy to the touch, but thin beads of sweat were gathering ruthlessly about her flushed face, making her feel vehemently agitated and feverish. The sun had set with such timidity and trepidation that the moon had an overwhelming entrance. She slammed against the apartment door in sheer exhaustion. With her back against the rough wood she slid all the way down, with her head in her hands, until the rough ground grated against her lower back. She felt repulsed - sick to her stomach from what she had done.

_I always told Jane that I must take after Paddy...and here I am...pushing away the only person I know who is best at putting the bad ones behind bars_. Maura took a deep breath, straining with every movement. Every fiber of her being was aching. She tried to fight back the tears that were collecting as tiny globules near her lacrimal glands.

_No, Maura_. She was threatening herself. _You can't do this now. Stay in control_.

She would have to conduct this professionally. She couldn't lose that attribute now - it was vital to Jane. It was Jane's life that was in danger. She, on the other hand, was the one who fell disgustingly under the safe umbrella of being the daughter of a mob-boss freak show, who would do anything in the name of "an eye for an eye..." _A life for a life_.

"Why!?" She slammed her fist against the rough door behind her as a desperate sob cracked menacingly from her chest. It gave a might thud and died without any proper resonance. Her loud cries faltered by her need to control her breathing. She felt light-headed and dizzy. It had been hours since she left the hospital, but she was deeply frightened.

_I'm not safe here, not even in my own home. I'm being watched._ She gasped. Her tears let a loose stream of saltwater run down her flushed face - she felt her own tears sting her cheeks. Anxiety consumed her. She was startled by a foreign sensation running along her thigh. Her phone was vibrating strongly in her bag, which she had placed neatly on her lap. Maura's heart stopped for a split-second. An enormous chill worked its way from her chest to the tips of her fingers. She paused for what seemed like an eternity.

_Answer it, Maura_.

She reached, hands shaking, to her purse to pull out the vibrating object. Her phone did not recognize a contact. It only read the words "Incoming Call." Her finger hovered over "reject" button for about two seconds, but independently shifted to "answer." She cleared her voice, even changed her stature, and began to speak.

"Yes?" She spoke calmly.

There was a moment of silence on the other end. A loud, malicious voice severed the peace.

"Why hello there Doctor Isles...I suspect you've attracted quite some attention onto yourself in the past 24 hours. Care to explain?" It was pure evil. She could not interpret it.

"I've only had some medical issues, it's noth-"

"Nothing indeed. I see you have yet to understand how to follow instructions, Doctor. Just to show you how things work around here, I've stationed about two or three, maybe five of my closest friends to keep a _very very_ close eye on your detective-friend. I would hate to see anything happen to her, wouldn't you?" He sounded as if he was sneering with the utmost content.

"Don't touch her! Please, just don't hurt her." Maura began to lift herself up in a frail attempt. She wanted to run to Jane's place. If teleportation were possible, it would be the first on her list.

He gave a hearty laugh. "Ah ah ah! I believe you lost your privileges with your little stunt yesterday evening. You spent quite a bit of time with Rizzoli, but I give you credit for the lies you told her, although do recognize that you will be a bit more convincing next time, won't you?

Maura stayed silent. She was shaking in fear. She was angry, tearing from the inside out.

"Won't you!?" He repeated with a sweet voice. Dripping in evil.

"Yes." Maura breathed.

"Do pull a stunt like that again, and you will find out slowly but surely how disadvantaged you are to have your poor old man in the hospital, with nobody at all to protect you. Not even the detective, who you seem to be driving away quite effectively...but don't you worry, she's the first on the list to go, so you'll know when it's your turn." Maura's entire body shook with rage.

The man continued, sounding ravenous for any sign of weakness. "Listen closely, and your friend keeps on living. You will act normally, do you understand? You will wake up in the morning, you will go to work, and you will come back. You will transfer all your documentation and accounts of the ongoing murders to a hard drive each day and leave it outside your window at night. We will update it kindly and send it back the following morning, and you will build your case from there when you go to testify. Your work could use a couple corrections. Do you understand, Doctor Isles?"

Maura paused. He _was_ the serial killer. He wanted to alter the evidence by working with the medical examiner. Genius.

"I cannot..." Maura faltered on her words. She couldn't testify with a stack of lies. It would be too obvious. She could not tell a lie. The trials were a source of pressure with even the most accurate information, not to mention the disaster they would be when all the accounts are fabricated.

"My friends are having a wonderful time keeping an eye on your detective-friend. She's a smart cookie, that one. I'm sure my kind would be a lot better off without her on our tail all the time!"

"Okay! Okay! Just listen to me, I will do whatever you want, just please. Please don't hurt her. She has nothing to do with this - leave Jane out of this! -" Maura gave a deep throaty cry of desperation. Her fingernails dug deep into her skin.

"Well we have to have fun sometime, right Doctor?" The man was sincere to his word. She could tell he was experienced in the way of manipulation.

"Why are you doing this!?" Maura cried out.

"Do what you are told, Doctor Isles, and we won't hurt your friend too badly. In the meantime, you can keep up your ongoing feud - we'd like to get on the detective's trail before she gets on ours, if you get our drift. Hide the evidence, Dr. Isles, and we'll keep her safe. Fail to do so, and your loss will be slow and grueling..." He laughed and the phone gave three beats to indicate an ending call. She leaned back - her eyes were dark with fear and fatigue. They were full of tears. Her hazel irises contrasted heavily with the surrounding pinkish hue of her sclera, and her eyes appeared lighter in the flickering light.

She look to the side for a split-second, only to notice a dark plastic bag tied in a knot near the side of her door. She leaned for it slowly, surprised by the hard object it contained inside. Her eyes closed slightly as she undid the knot with care, despite the shakiness of her limbs.

Her eyes focused on the object. It was cold and glossy.

_A hard drive._


End file.
